harvard n maine

yesterday i went to my cousin's phd defence at Harvard university...she gave a great presentation and became doctorate without a hitch..she did a great job..finished her phd within 3yrs which in her dept's history nobody else could ..she was showered with praises and flowers.....champagne and gifts.......i was so overwhelmed...could even recognise my own sis...is she really my sis?do i really have to live up to this ...questions after questions came clouding my mind..wat if ,if i cant do this?if i dont present a good defence or submit a good no of papers..what if ,if i dont get a good postdoc like her...n most miserable of all what if if i cant complete my phd......i was thoroughly soaked in my own misery...i thought i wud be happy for her...n i really was but more sorry for myself..well i shud nt have those depressing thoughts but i guess once in a while u r allowed to have them.......anyway in the afternoon we all drove to a small city in maine to celebrate her recent doctorhood...its a very small city by the sea...the houses r so tiny n cute..the whole town looked like a toytown straight out of the fairyland or noddy's story ,the toytown...flowers growing on windowsill,colorfull houses,...i started t feel happy inspite of my misery..we went to a charming restaurant oberlooking the ocean...it had the feel of the america we read about in books..for the first time after i came to us i truly felt i'm in us...it had those small quirks which u can always find in a typical american book.....we had charming typically american food ..thts irrelevant..but the whole environment had tht magic which can make u happy inspite of urself......for the moment i felt truly happy ,without any thought or worries for the world..i wan living to that moment....i know my thoughts would come back to haunt me later....but there in tht small charming town besides the village i was truly truly happy