lefty

yah i'm a lefty.......an unique one though...because i eat with my right hand but use my left hand for everything else........wondering how it happened?i wonder about it too.............coz my natural tendency is to eat with left hands which i some times do when i'm busy with some other task and not really paying much attention to food......may be somebody tried to cure me of this disease in my childhood...n thts why ended up eating with my right hand..n no,i'm not joking when i told being left handed is like being diseased.....i have plenty of first hand experience to prove my statement........right from my childhood and till now i get curious glances when people i'm lefty for the first time......their immediate questions follow how i became like this...did my parents made me behave like this....etc etc some of the extremists even went further stating my parents shud have forced me to write with my right hand in the childhood rather than ending with this kind of disgrace in their hand.....i still remember i had a math teacher in my school in 5th grade...she used to make me stand near her table and made me do all the sum using my right hand in all her classes...i could not even finish a single sum in her class..as i didnt know how to use my pen using my right hand ,although i could solve all the sums in my head...i tears used to sparng in my eyes..the tears of frustration...i used to think why dont she ever leave me alone..i used to pray to god earnestly so that someday she realises and let me do whatever i wanted but tht never happened....unfortunately we had her nearly every day of the week..tht means i had to undergo this agony for nearly 40 mins each day........time flied since then....now i'm a grown u p woman..doing my doctoral program in us.. n yah i'm still lefty but somehow this fact never bother anyone here..they take it as a natural occurance........it really felt odd when i first came here......people accepting me naturally as i'm.....no more..now i'm sure of myself...n ive decided to start eating using my left hand...going back to my true identity

harvard n maine

yesterday i went to my cousin's phd defence at Harvard university...she gave a great presentation and became doctorate without a hitch..she did a great job..finished her phd within 3yrs which in her dept's history nobody else could ..she was showered with praises and flowers.....champagne and gifts.......i was so overwhelmed...could even recognise my own sis...is she really my sis?do i really have to live up to this ...questions after questions came clouding my mind..wat if ,if i cant do this?if i dont present a good defence or submit a good no of papers..what if ,if i dont get a good postdoc like her...n most miserable of all what if if i cant complete my phd......i was thoroughly soaked in my own misery...i thought i wud be happy for her...n i really was but more sorry for myself..well i shud nt have those depressing thoughts but i guess once in a while u r allowed to have them.......anyway in the afternoon we all drove to a small city in maine to celebrate her recent doctorhood...its a very small city by the sea...the houses r so tiny n cute..the whole town looked like a toytown straight out of the fairyland or noddy's story ,the toytown...flowers growing on windowsill,colorfull houses,...i started t feel happy inspite of my misery..we went to a charming restaurant oberlooking the ocean...it had the feel of the america we read about in books..for the first time after i came to us i truly felt i'm in us...it had those small quirks which u can always find in a typical american book.....we had charming typically american food ..thts irrelevant..but the whole environment had tht magic which can make u happy inspite of urself......for the moment i felt truly happy ,without any thought or worries for the world..i wan living to that moment....i know my thoughts would come back to haunt me later....but there in tht small charming town besides the village i was truly truly happy

boston trip

since yesterday i'm working in a frenzy.......working out all the details in last minutes.......i was coming to boston today to visit my cousins...........first stop was to go to beauty salon to make sure my eyebrows look ok...who knows may be i can land up in an award winning foto n all ll be ruined bcoz of my shaggy eyebrows..how depressing!!!!!!!!!!!!next me n my roommate went out for some shopping..its summertime n i'm going for a vacation........i deserve to have some new clothes..although except me nobody else seemed to believe so...my roommate was most skeptical about it......she kept on saying this shopping trip was supposed to b for her..not me who buys clothes almost every other day.........well i cant really help it...can i?those clothes in the shop seemed to have my name written on them..n besides who in the earth's history could ever resist a great deal......well well i finally landed up with 8 tops and 2 dress...but the deals were worth killing for......my roomie finally gave in and ended up with nearly same no of clothes as me....well finally we returned home at around 8.........next we were in another hurry as my roomie had a date and she was doubtful whether she would wear her new dress or not.......she kept on tugging at it...should i or should not i?finally she got ready by 10 and went out to date,cursing me all the way as i made her wear my high heels.....she made me come to the bus stops with her and kept on telling me grusome scenarios of her rolling down from subway or busses.......finally she took off and i rushed to burnes n nobles to get some books for the kid next door..he had his birthday today and i wanted to get something for him and his sister.......finally i reached home around 11..till then i had not packed or eaten my dinner...by then i was so tired that i didnt even bothered to cook..just got some frozen dinners and went straight to pack.......finished packing at 1am finally n then decided to have a night time chat with frnds..........gosh!!!!!!!!!!i finally slept at 6.........woke up at 8 with a start n went out of the house by 8:30 am ............everything was smooth and i reached the place without a hitch..i should have been happy but i wasnt i kept on thinking my last trip to dc......that time i didnt even know from where i'm supposed to board the bus.....after a long search and a helpful cabby later finalyy i boarded the bus a min ago of its supposed departure................i was really a tiny bit disappointed knowing tht nothing of tht sort happened

clouds

i donno why but cloudy days always make me melancholic.....i donno why but my mood can be a clear reflection of outside environment...on a cloudy day i dont even feel like getting out of my bed or do something productive ....my fav activity is to get some bengali romantic novel (preferably nillohit or buddhadeb guha) and curl up beside the bedside window,with some soft background music....if not i would love to sit beside the window and let my mind roam around in its own accord....another nice way to spend a couldy day is to go out in some desolate place near some forest...may be alone or may be with a chosen few friends......sitting there u could just enjoy the beauty of the forest ........feel free or make urself one with it.....i donno bout others but it makes me strangely calm.....being one with nature...i know its a very old concept but exceptionally soothing......these clouds and greens soothes my soul n fills me with a yearning......yearning to love...to be loved......encourages me to forget my scars n be whole again..................